My Pirate, my JackJack

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JackJack, Sphynx Cat

Every so often, someone comes into your life and makes a mark so irrevocably deep that it burns into your heart and no matter how long they stay, that mark will remain forever.

It is just that way with JackJack and I. I fell absolutely in love with him the moment I saw his very first baby pictures. His good(ish) eye gazing solidly at the camera, cattitude rolling off him in waves. His youth was full of theft; theft of loaves of bread, thefts of earphones and the theft of almost every heart with whom he came in contact. He came to be known as Captain Jack, a pirate, but a lovable one.

When he was a year old, his breeder (Nicola at Misfit Sphynx) who had hand reared him after his mother rejected him, decided it was time for him to find a new home and she asked if we would like to have him. We were thrilled to say yes. When he arrived, he strolled out of his carrier as though he owned the place. He was big in every way, stature and personality alike. He had a purr so loud you could hear it across the room, and would leap upon anything that moved with the agility of a polar bear! He loved to make new friends, and many a confirmed sphynx disliker was converted in the face of JackJack’s unrelenting friendliness. He enchanted vets, builders and postmen alike and even though many thought him to be not conventionally beautiful, to me and to those who knew him he was living proof that inner beauty makes you beautiful. Through sheer force of nature and lovable roguishness, he befriended friend and foe alike.

He was never one to allow his disability to stand in his way and with his unconventional eye and 40% vision, he was an inspiration and testament to the abilities of those whom we write off as disabled. He was an optimist, even when he was very sick, he put on the bravest face. Even at the very end, when his big heart was giving out on him, he still managed to try and purr. His courage in the face of his illness made me so proud of him at the same time as breaking my heart.

He was my friend and I am grateful everyday that he touched my life and also the lives of so many people around us. I count it a privilege to have known him, shared some of the journey with him and I will try to be brave as he was brave in the face of ever increasing ill health. How ironic that the cat with the biggest heart I have ever known should have died from a faulty heart.

Grief is the price we pay for love and although our time together was short, it was joyful and adventure-filled. JackJack deserved many more years, I deserved many more years with him and I will miss him forever. My heart is broken, the tears fall and I fear that life will not be the same here.

So now, JackJack, farewell my heart’s beloved, farewell my Peter Pan cat, death will be an awfully big adventure and although our paths diverge here, you will live in my heart, for always. Thank you for being inspirational. Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving me.

 

Lili’s Essential Edinburgh Fringe Survival Guide

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advice, afvs, another fucking variety show, armstrongs, burlesque, cabaret, Edinburgh, Edinburgh Fringe, Fringe, Mat Ricardo, ondine, stuart goldsmith, the dogs, the Fringe, walker slater

Every year, a plethora of ‘Fringe Survival Guides’ are written so I thought that I would add what little wisdom I have gathered. I have been to every Edinburgh Fringe since 2005, first as a street performer with a double act with my sister, then as a street performer alone and cabaret/burlesque guester. Then, after I met my husband, we moved indoors. Several solo shows and a variety show further down the line and here we are. Along the way, I have learned some stuff and I thought that today, two weeks before AFVS opens for its third season, I’d share it with you.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to eat and drink. Eat properly, try to have three meals a day. It is a bloody slog doing shows but it isn’t just shows. You’ll be flyering for anything from two to five hours a day, potentially on very little sleep. I’d advise a really good breakfast, a Berocca and at least two litres of water a day, or more if your show is particularly physical. There is plenty of moisture in Edinburgh, generally coming down in stair rods but unfortunately the human body has yet to find a way to drink via osmosis so make that Evian bottle your friend. Hydrate your head – it will keep you sane.

If you are a London performer, don’t think that because it is August you will need your summer wardrobe. Edinburgh has the most delightful way of throwing many seasons at you, sometimes all at once. I tend to take my Autumn wardrobe, so a field of tweeds and tartan wools. I have the most delicious tartan cape which I adore wearing at Fringe time, it’s floor length, warm, it has a Scottish Widows hood and a Sherlock Holmes-esque mini cape. It is also bright yellow. It is actually my favourite thing, I found it at Armstrong’s Vintage three years ago.

Be nice. To everybody; but be especially nice to the doorkeepers of the industry bars. They are the gatekeepers to a world of fabulous networking – and isn’t that really what we are all there for? Occasionally an A-lister might wander in, I remember a few years ago Hugh Grant came in, the Catholic priest I was with offered him a blessing although to be honest, Hugh was so stoned he probably thinks he imagined that! My observation is that Four Weddings was a long, long, long time ago. Ah! The onward march of time. Unkinder to some than others, thank heavens for post production.

Remember that Edinburgh, the City, doesn’t owe you anything, you are but a mere visitor grubbing around the hem of her tartan gown. Treat her with courtesy, please don’t piss in her alleyways, throw up in her gutters or leave your sexual detritus littered in her nooks. Aside from anything else, you never know who you might see and do you really want that casting director, song writer or future spouse’s first image of you to be a piss-soaked, vomit-sprayed huddle? Unless that is what you are going for.

You will be tempted to be drunk for days, we’ve all done it in that 24/7 melee that is Edinburgh Fringe. By all means get so wasted you forget your own name but remember that Edinburgh Fringe is a marathon not a sprint, so don’t spend the rest of the month broke and hungover. Save it for that final week when the reviews are done, the audiences steady and the pressure is lessened.

Someone once told me that Edinburgh is a dance not a race (I believe it was the gorgeous Mr Stuart Goldsmith). It will be tempting to compare yourself to your friends and compatriots. This is a one way street to absolute sure-fire self destruction and self-doubt. Everyone has their own Fringe, have yours. It might be your year to sell out a huge venue and get a galaxy of five star reviews, it probably won’t. Don’t crow if you are doing well, be humble because the very next person you come across might be having the hardest month of their life.

Whilst we are talking about reviews, I would always say DON’T READ THEM! It is simply one person’s opinion and it will give you a false sense of where you are at; even if you get a five star from the Scotsman, I’d still say don’t read it (maybe read it when you get home in September). Just enjoy your journey and don’t buy into the press that surrounds you, or anyone else for that matter. It makes me feel incredibly old to say I remember a time when social media and online blogs didn’t exist at the Fringe, it was a happier, less pressurised time. Now, as you check in every ten minutes, blog, tumblr and tweet, try to find time to not; live in the moment you are in right now without checking to see who is watching from afar. It is no longer a case of ‘what happens at the Fringe stays at the Fringe’ but more likely ‘what happens at the Fringe is watched, commented on and liked by your mother’s neighbour’s cat in a multi-platform way’. So keep that in mind when you meet the sexual partner of your dreams whilst your partner is dog-sitting at home.

I will leave you on a piece of advice that will keep you sane. Take time out from the Fringe. Yes, it is an amazing month, a creative, fabulous, social and professional trade show whirl, but it can be draining, exhausting and depressing. Take a day, or half a day to get out. Go eat in a restaurant that has real cutlery (I recommend Ondine or The Dogs), climb Arthur’s Seat, try on/buy suits at Walker Slater (that’s mine) or jump on a train to somewhere else entirely. You step outside of the Edinburgh Fringe bubble and suddenly the biggest Fringe in the world seems so very tiny.

To those about to Edinburgh Fringe – I salute you.

Love Lili.

PS. In all seriousness, if the Fringe does start to overwhelm you – seek help. Fringe Central have heaps of amazing performer services so don’t be afraid; they literally have seen it all before.

Another F*cking Variety Show – 31st July – 23rd August – Queen Dome, Pleasance Dome, 11pm

 

 

Burlesque Hall of Fame – final installment!

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Aurora Galore, BHoF, bonnie fox, burlesque, Burlesque Hall of Fame, Kingfish, medianoche, Midnite Martini, Reigning Queen of Burlesque, swarovski, The King of Burlesque, vegas

I do apologise for the radio silence, it is getting very close to Edinburgh and my hands have been full of plans and programming for my variety show – Another F*cking Variety Show! I have a little time now, so I thought I would sit down and tell you all about Vegas.

So, the day of ‘The Big Show’ arrived. For those of you unfamiliar with the Burlesque Hall of Fame ‘Miss Exotic World’ Competition, it is like the Superbowl of burlesque. Performers from all over the world compete for titles in categories of ‘Best Debut’, ‘Best Troupe’, ‘Best Group’, ‘Best Boylesque – The King of Burlesque’ and the most coveted title ‘Miss Exotic World – Reigning Queen of Burlesque’.

I arrived in the empty theatre at quarter to eleven in the morning, with coffees in hand for my co-host, Kingfish from San Francisco, and I. I was early and the theatre was peaceful with the technical staff setting lights and the crew discussing the show details. I sat on the edge of the enormous stage and just took in the space. Gradually, burlesquers from all around the world began to drift in with fans and heels. Kingfish arrived and we sat down at the front of the auditorium and began to watch every single tech, we’d never met before, so it was a great chance for us to get to know each other a little before hosting a show together. I really love watching ‘mime burlesque’, that is, the burlesque that performers do when they are running through their routine in rehearsal so the tech wasn’t a chore. It also gave me the chance to see every routine that I’d be introducing, so I could get a feel for their style and intro them appropriately. It was really fantastic to see everyone do their thing before the audience that evening, and the tension was palpable even when everyone was in rehearsal clothes. My darling friend Aurora Galore was there and Bonnie Fox too, both competing for Best Debut.

 

I dragged my case backstage and the stage manager, the completely adorable Nikki Knickers, showed me to my dressing room which I was sharing with Lou Lou D’vil, Kingfish and Melody Sweets. I had five costume changes for the five hour show as well as the corresponding heels, sparkles, gloves and headdresses.

After the tech, late in the afternoon, I went upstairs to my room and gave myself ten minutes of peace, then I threw my face on and having seen the size of the venue made sure to drag up even more than usual. I literally had all the eyes and enough contouring to make RuPaul proud! I headed down to the theatre and slipped backstage where what seemed like 5000 burlesquers were buzzing around conversing in many different languages. There were more Swarovski’s per capita than I had ever seen. In fact, I’m sure that Burlesque Hall is solely responsible for keeping Swarovski afloat!

The show started with a troupe of dancing girls and semi-nude Kingfish. I was behind the curtain and my heart was in my mouth. Just get out onstage, don’t trip over your gown. Remember not to breathe and swallow at the same time, (you’d be surprised how much I do that!) The curtains opened and there were 800 people staring at me. Famous faces from the world of burlesque; producers, performers, teachers and legends. I sang an opening number – something short and sweet – no time for soliloquies! And then with a clap, a cheer and a “Lili, who’s your daddy” we were into the show.

First out of the blocks were the ladies competing for “Best Debut”. I was blown away time after time by the uniqueness and style of all the different performers. The UK performers, Aurora Galore and Bonnie Fox knocked it out of the park. Bonnie Fox’s Charleston-based routine was so slick and stylish that she made everyone else who attempted Charleston for the rest of the night look like beginners, (as well she should as she is one of the best Charleston dancers in the world!!). Aurora Galore was the final Debut and she was an astounding ball of wild energy. Dance-based and frenetic, Aurora managed to cram so much into her four minutes. Her poi-style fan work is astoundingly fast and she has the most awesome curves too, a tiny waist and a peachy ba-donk-a-donk. She has to be seen to be believed and although she is often imitated in the UK, she is never bettered for sheer out there weirdo-ness which stood out a mile amongst so much classic beauty. We all need a little weirdo in our lives and Aurora is more than a little!

As the night rattled on through amazing act after amazing act, the audience managed to stay focussed and enthralled even thought the show was easily the longest show I have ever hosted. As we made it to the potential Queens, I was in my second to last costume, my feet were killing me, my make up was still looking on point – but only because I was wearing so damn much of it and I had sprayed my face liberally with hairspray. I think I would still have been wearing it today if I had left it to fall off naturally! The Queens-to-be were all absolutely beautiful. Stylish, classy and elegant. I adored Medianoche, her routine was beautifully old-school and she has a very Catherine Delish-esque poise. Her sea-green and blue gown was literally heaven to me and the Swarovski’s on her nails caught the light and flashed most hypnotically.

We came to the end of the show and whilst the judges deliberated, Loulou D’vil, the Reigning Queen 2013 performed her outgoing dance. She was astounding. The glorious mix of utter sex and devastating glamour is a heady combination and Loulou has charisma in bucketloads. And did I mention that she might be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen?

The moment came to announce the winners. We announced the adjectives first (‘Most Innovative’, ‘Most Dazzling’ etc) and as I glimpsed in to the envelopes, I saw that both Aurora and Bonnie had won ‘Most Innovative’ and ‘Most Dazzling’, respectively. I was so proud of the both of them but I was especially thrilled for Aurora, she works so so so damn hard to create look that is so out of the norm, especially in the sea of beauty that is Vegas, and she is a fearless performer. It was the icing on the cake when Bonnie won ‘Best Debut’. We announced the other winners, Mr Gorgeous won the King’s crown and with it, a deliciously saucy kiss from the outgoing King Ray Gun and Boylesque legend Tigger! I’ve popped all the winners below for you. I would have loved to see Medianoche win but it was Midnite Martini who took the crown and deservedly so, as her routine had ladders, silks and some fascinating stocking work.

 

• Miss Exotic World 2014, Reigning Queen of Burlesque: Midnite Martini (Denver, CO)

  • 1st Runner Up: Medianoche (New York, NY)

  • 2nd Runner Up: Ginger Valentine (Dallas, TX)

• Best Boylesque: Mr Gorgeous (New York, NY)

• Best Debut: Bonnie Fox (London, United Kingdom)

• Best Group: Land of the Sweets (Seattle, WA)

• Best Troupe: The Ruby Revue (Dallas, TX)

• Most Classic: Missy Lisa (Dallas, TX)

• Most Comedic: Kitten & Lou (Seattle, WA/New York, NY)

• Most Dazzling: Bonnie Fox (London, UK)

• Most Innovative: Aurora Galore (London, UK)

So that was my weekend in Vegas. The following day, we lounged by the pool at the BHOF pool party

– you have never seen so many incredible people – with what a gloriously diverse community the burlesque world is blessed.

Now onward…to Edinburgh.